nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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