I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
