btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
