I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
