That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
