Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
