I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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