I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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