Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
