my shit smells like andre
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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