youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
