Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
