The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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