I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
