Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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