I didn't shave. On purpose
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
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Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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