I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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You. Win. At. Life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
