the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
