Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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