He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
