frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
