If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish they made helmets for livers.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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