She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
