ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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