you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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