8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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