he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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