OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
