At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
