and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize