We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
