So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
