peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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