best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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