ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
