Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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