Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
