So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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