So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
