Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
