it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
