i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
