I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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