she was so not down for the gang bang
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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