Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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