Tell her she can't have a vagina
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
there is puke in my bra ... again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
