My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
