i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
