I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
