If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
