I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
