a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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