I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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