the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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