i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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