Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?

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  (802): and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina? http://tfl.nu/mzx1
  Replies (47) Good night (768) Bad night (6208)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience

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  (603): i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience http://tfl.nu/wb3q
  Replies (37) Good night (6672) Bad night (1016)
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  (562): View more from California

  not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

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  (562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it. http://tfl.nu/xhfr
  Replies (24) Good night (4305) Bad night (1279)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6704) Bad night (1402)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list

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  (914): I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list http://tfl.nu/bjw0
  Replies (18) Good night (5192) Bad night (833)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  It was like getting head from an anaconda

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  (419): It was like getting head from an anaconda http://tfl.nu/fnhr
  Replies (23) Good night (3174) Bad night (2296)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.

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  (412): He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car. http://tfl.nu/qdlm
  Replies (9) Good night (2252) Bad night (843)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.

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  (248): Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market. http://tfl.nu/wxnm
  Replies (3) Good night (757) Bad night (1438)
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  (818): View more from California

  whose ass print is on the piano?

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  (818): whose ass print is on the piano? http://tfl.nu/s2mm
  Replies (9) Good night (1562) Bad night (523)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  May the one with the liver that just won't quit win

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  (843): May the one with the liver that just won't quit win http://tfl.nu/5sn2
  Replies (3) Good night (1048) Bad night (622)
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  (650): View more from California

  We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.

  (650): View more from California

  And so far nothing been broken!

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  (650): We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum. (650): And so far nothing been broken! http://tfl.nu/0yij
  Replies (4) Good night (2550) Bad night (601)
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  (619): View more from California

  Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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  (619): Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out? http://tfl.nu/ne0t
  Replies (8) Good night (1035) Bad night (484)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.

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  (708): Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job. http://tfl.nu/i4v1
  Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (367)
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  (858): View more from California

  Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"

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  (858): Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick" http://tfl.nu/uds1
  Replies (2) Good night (646) Bad night (390)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".

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  (+61): You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering". http://tfl.nu/uajx
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (325)

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