Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
