Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator