Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah, where have you been?

  (407): View more from Florida

  Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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  (978): Yeah, where have you been? (407): Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus. http://tfl.nu/jpxm
  Replies (1) Good night (1382) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

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  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
  Replies (39) Good night (5854) Bad night (949)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra

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  (240): Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra http://tfl.nu/fzzx
  Replies (5) Good night (3897) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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  (248): I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice. http://tfl.nu/zl11
  Replies (22) Good night (1016) Bad night (6694)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.

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  (724): i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver. http://tfl.nu/mj0i
  Replies (8) Good night (2387) Bad night (1868)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!

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  (336): All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts... (1-336): Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER! http://tfl.nu/l2ol
  Replies (3) Good night (1505) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?

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  (631): I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/hi71
  Replies (3) Good night (1316) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

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  (908): HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART http://tfl.nu/i6nd
  Replies (5) Good night (1157) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again

  (424): View more from California

  I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill

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  (323): All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again (424): I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill http://tfl.nu/ys2w
  Replies (1) Good night (790) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...

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  (785): Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark. (1-785): The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself... http://tfl.nu/up2w
  Replies (6) Good night (1303) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.

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  (678): Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty. http://tfl.nu/d492
  Replies (5) Good night (881) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious

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  (239): We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious http://tfl.nu/iovv
  Replies (6) Good night (785) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes

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  (309): If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes http://tfl.nu/ebv7
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  ...object impermanence?

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  (618): How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion? (952): ...object impermanence? http://tfl.nu/x3dt
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro

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  (414): I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro http://tfl.nu/l82r
  Replies (7) Good night (433) Bad night (245)

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