Texts From Last Night

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  (906): View more from Michigan

  rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.

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  (906): rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice. http://tfl.nu/1neh
  Replies (9) Good night (986) Bad night (3848)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.

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  (706): New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie. http://tfl.nu/22gj
  Replies (37) Good night (828) Bad night (2705)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.

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  (203): You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace. http://tfl.nu/24s5
  Replies (48) Good night (7085) Bad night (1054)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way

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  (519): dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way http://tfl.nu/6t17
  Replies (17) Good night (1223) Bad night (3721)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?

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  (618): Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off. (309): Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay? http://tfl.nu/53dx
  Replies (4) Good night (1236) Bad night (2322)
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  (530): View more from California

  Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.

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  (530): Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking. http://tfl.nu/izw9
  Replies (8) Good night (1456) Bad night (640)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.

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  (914): Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/r09f
  Replies (9) Good night (463) Bad night (1049)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.

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  (520): She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup. http://tfl.nu/0yof
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (333)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it

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  (502): Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it http://tfl.nu/u9hv
  Replies (2) Good night (285) Bad night (473)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time

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  (410): I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time http://tfl.nu/zqpv
  Replies (0) Good night (254) Bad night (512)
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  (714): View more from California

  I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it

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  (714): I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it http://tfl.nu/cek3
  Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (297)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.

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  (570): I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls. http://tfl.nu/xtaz
  Replies (6) Good night (304) Bad night (585)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.

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  (757): As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar. (804): This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper. (804): You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life. http://tfl.nu/w5j4
  Replies (4) Good night (630) Bad night (239)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.

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  (214): Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it. http://tfl.nu/tru6
  Replies (1) Good night (471) Bad night (204)
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  (408): View more from California

  I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW

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  (408): I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW http://tfl.nu/h958
  Replies (5) Good night (845) Bad night (303)

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