Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Randomize
