But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
