sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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