Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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