My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
