i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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