I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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