What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
