dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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