"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
