So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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