I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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